THIS WAS NOT IN MY PLAN.

It was just going to be a normal day, a routine check-up and I would back at the daily grind.

Except that it wasn’t a normal check-up and I was unprepared for the news.

My appointment was at 8 a.m., a mistake in hindsight.  I wish my appointment was at 7 pm, so I could just lay in bed the rest of the night and wallow, because that is how I felt after all was said and done.  But instead, I had to bottle up everything, wipe off my face, stop at CVS to fix my makeup, and work the rest of the day.  The past week has been a whirlwind of doctor visits, phone calls, and mental preparation for surgery.

As a young, active person, you never think anything serious is wrong with you. You push off going to the doctor.  You get away with eating poorly or not sleeping enough. Everything is always fine.

I’m filled with anger, regret, sadness, fear… Angry at my body for failing me, regret that I hadn’t gone to the doctor sooner, sadness because the timing could not have been more terrible (not that there is ever a good time?), and fear..fear of the uncertainty.  How much will this hurt? Will they find something else? Are there going to be complications? Is the recovery time REALLY going to be SIX weeks?  Grey’s Anatomy—you have scarred me for life.  I have never had a big surgery—it was not in my plan. Not now. Not ever.

Everything just seemed to be going so right lately.  I am about to embark on a long-term substitute teaching job with the students I student-taught in the fall.  I just started getting into racing shape, joined a training team, and signed up for the two largest races in the area.  March was going to be my month, when everything I have been working towards would come together.

Life — I don’t like you sometimes.

But the universe did throw me a bone.  The day I found out about my surgery, my high school team I coach won its first ever conference championships in school history.  I could not have been more proud of them.

So, I’ll be out of commission for a little bit. Keep me in your thoughts.  Without going into much detail, this surgery seems relatively routine and there are people out there with much worse and far more severe conditions.  My goal is to be completely healed in half the time the doctor recommends… just because I can’t run for now doesn’t mean I lost my competitiveness.

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